It was a pleasant surprise when I had one of those unexpected visits of my cousin after after a long time.Certainly she must have something bothering her which she would, as always confide only to my mother, her aunt.
She,as all ladies, started by beating around the bush and after nearly an hour came up with an earnest request- "Aunty, would you please come up to our house tomorrow to look after my mother?" Being the youngest in a family of five,four sisters and a brother,my mother has always been keen to help out her siblings at any given opportunity. But this was a bolt out of the blue even for her too.
She,as all ladies, started by beating around the bush and after nearly an hour came up with an earnest request- "Aunty, would you please come up to our house tomorrow to look after my mother?" Being the youngest in a family of five,four sisters and a brother,my mother has always been keen to help out her siblings at any given opportunity. But this was a bolt out of the blue even for her too.
Let me tell you that only four of my mothers siblings are alive today, with the one immediately elder to my mother passing away some twenty years back. So presently, there are four of them, namely, counting backwards, my mother a septuagenarian, her elder brother too.The two sisters elder to both of them are octogenarians.
My eldest aunt, mother of the same cousin whom I am talking about,is wholly on a diet of medicines accompanied by a loss of hearing.Its about this person who my cousin was referring to. By God's grace, my mother so far hasn't been the doctor's favorite and pray she never becomes.Youngest that she is, my mother agreed but wanted to know the reason.That's when my cousin dropped another bomb by saying that our uncle, the brother of our mothers too would be joining the party.
As for my uncle, he is a retired officer from the Air force and a widower and staying with his elder daughter.Of late,he has been showing signs of schizophrenia.
Now, to the real matter. The reason for requesting my mother to take care of not only my aunt but also my uncle was quite appalling for me at least.She revealed that she along with her family and the family of my other cousin( my Uncle's daughter) were going out of station for a couple of days.So they had consulted each other and concluded to put the onus on my mother since their out-station trip was unavoidable.
Of course, you might wonder what is new to this?Relatives are supposed to help each other.I agree completely.But the paradox here is a septuagenarian being asked to take care of two ill people.
It was then that the question rose in my mind-Are the aged expendable?Altogether,there are eight members in the two families together , all but one of them adults.And none of them could stay back to take care of the aged people? Its not shunning responsibility,as I have always considered taking care of the elderly and sick a noble cause.Let me remind you that my mother who was approached with this request, herself is a septuagenarian.
All along, I had only heard or read about abuse of elderly people and all this while I was under the impression that it was a phenomenon limited to the under-educated.But the reality couldn't have dawned on me more harshly.It was right there, in my extended family. Leaving two entirely hapless people to guard the house?The underlying question is whether a relative can provide a better care than one's own children?Isn't it abuse?
With my limited knowledge and the guidance provided by my parents, I would credit this to our culture and heritage.There have been studies proclaiming that this elderly abuse is the result of breaking up of combined families due to urbanization, lowering of moral values due to western values, etc.Stretsing on my point,we never have been accommodating to our elders.
It has always been fulfilling their wishes just termed as 'respect'.Although our religious scripts give parents a place even before the Gods, it has never been done.Even Ram, the famous ideal obedient son caused heartbreak to his father leading to his death.Its seldom spoken of.I want to state here that while obeying his father, Ram completely neglected his duties towards his parents.So even by those standards, there is no obligation of the chidren towards the parents.Another instance is of Shravan ,who allegedly took his parents on a pilgrimage on his shoulders.Can you imagine the hardship caused to them by the son after succumbing to their wishes and eventually lost his life? This is not blasphemy but reasonable questions as I understand in the context of the subject dealt here.
The concept of parenthood is certainly flawed when one expects the offspring to repay.It has been the tendency of human to look forward, that's why he could invent the wheel.Even with the advances made in evolution,man remains basically an animal by nature trying to ensure his own and future of his owns survival .Nature expects the offspring to be let off as soon as it is capable of fending for itself.All living beings follow this rule.But, no animal except the humans except the offspring's gratitude in return- a life long guaranteed interest in the sum invested.(Refer the epilogue on the Jitendra starrer "Santaan" and the diametrically opposite Rajesh Khanna starrer "Avtaar").What I want to say is that expectations are the root cause of all miseries.I concede that not all individuals can be saints to renounce all expectations. I merely want to state that parents need to only make their offspring capable of facing the world and not except anything in return for they are not born of their choice but because of the parents.
That said for the present and progeny, what about those who had placed all their eggs in one basket and living under the dependency of their progeny?I am not stating that no one cares about their parents nor can I claim otherwise.Their ratio could be 50:50.How do we help those who are really not cared for?
The instance I mentioned was only for a couple of days.There could be large number of such people who treated in worse manners than this.As I said earlier, every living being looks at the future. So have those people. They have ensured that their offspring survives in this world.But what they apparently did was expect the returns which they aren't getting.
After pondering through various aspects, unfortunately, I have come a full circle. The question of whether it is the children's responsibility to take care of their elderly parents largely depends on the moral values and ethics of the child.All I can conclude is that even if parent's refuse, the child must take the onus on himself/ herself to provide the parent a dignified existence. till they breath their last.For married couple, it becomes a more complex issue, but have to remember that both have parents equally respectable and entitled to a dignified existence.
Now, to the real matter. The reason for requesting my mother to take care of not only my aunt but also my uncle was quite appalling for me at least.She revealed that she along with her family and the family of my other cousin( my Uncle's daughter) were going out of station for a couple of days.So they had consulted each other and concluded to put the onus on my mother since their out-station trip was unavoidable.
Of course, you might wonder what is new to this?Relatives are supposed to help each other.I agree completely.But the paradox here is a septuagenarian being asked to take care of two ill people.
It was then that the question rose in my mind-Are the aged expendable?Altogether,there are eight members in the two families together , all but one of them adults.And none of them could stay back to take care of the aged people? Its not shunning responsibility,as I have always considered taking care of the elderly and sick a noble cause.Let me remind you that my mother who was approached with this request, herself is a septuagenarian.
All along, I had only heard or read about abuse of elderly people and all this while I was under the impression that it was a phenomenon limited to the under-educated.But the reality couldn't have dawned on me more harshly.It was right there, in my extended family. Leaving two entirely hapless people to guard the house?The underlying question is whether a relative can provide a better care than one's own children?Isn't it abuse?
With my limited knowledge and the guidance provided by my parents, I would credit this to our culture and heritage.There have been studies proclaiming that this elderly abuse is the result of breaking up of combined families due to urbanization, lowering of moral values due to western values, etc.Stretsing on my point,we never have been accommodating to our elders.
It has always been fulfilling their wishes just termed as 'respect'.Although our religious scripts give parents a place even before the Gods, it has never been done.Even Ram, the famous ideal obedient son caused heartbreak to his father leading to his death.Its seldom spoken of.I want to state here that while obeying his father, Ram completely neglected his duties towards his parents.So even by those standards, there is no obligation of the chidren towards the parents.Another instance is of Shravan ,who allegedly took his parents on a pilgrimage on his shoulders.Can you imagine the hardship caused to them by the son after succumbing to their wishes and eventually lost his life? This is not blasphemy but reasonable questions as I understand in the context of the subject dealt here.
The concept of parenthood is certainly flawed when one expects the offspring to repay.It has been the tendency of human to look forward, that's why he could invent the wheel.Even with the advances made in evolution,man remains basically an animal by nature trying to ensure his own and future of his owns survival .Nature expects the offspring to be let off as soon as it is capable of fending for itself.All living beings follow this rule.But, no animal except the humans except the offspring's gratitude in return- a life long guaranteed interest in the sum invested.(Refer the epilogue on the Jitendra starrer "Santaan" and the diametrically opposite Rajesh Khanna starrer "Avtaar").What I want to say is that expectations are the root cause of all miseries.I concede that not all individuals can be saints to renounce all expectations. I merely want to state that parents need to only make their offspring capable of facing the world and not except anything in return for they are not born of their choice but because of the parents.
That said for the present and progeny, what about those who had placed all their eggs in one basket and living under the dependency of their progeny?I am not stating that no one cares about their parents nor can I claim otherwise.Their ratio could be 50:50.How do we help those who are really not cared for?
The instance I mentioned was only for a couple of days.There could be large number of such people who treated in worse manners than this.As I said earlier, every living being looks at the future. So have those people. They have ensured that their offspring survives in this world.But what they apparently did was expect the returns which they aren't getting.
After pondering through various aspects, unfortunately, I have come a full circle. The question of whether it is the children's responsibility to take care of their elderly parents largely depends on the moral values and ethics of the child.All I can conclude is that even if parent's refuse, the child must take the onus on himself/ herself to provide the parent a dignified existence. till they breath their last.For married couple, it becomes a more complex issue, but have to remember that both have parents equally respectable and entitled to a dignified existence.
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